Sunday, October 18, 2009
Decompression
So this is my first time delving into the blog world. I hear from several writer and non-writer friends how therapeutic this can be. Since the economy and my personal therapy session budget has gone to shit, this will have to do. It would not be my first lesson in complacency, and I am sure it won't be my last. My intention will be that this blog becomes my nightly ritual to decompress for my daily crazy and hectic life as a mom, wife, cook, maid, chauffeur, teacher, friend, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and janitor. I don't know if anyone will read these entries, and I am honestly ok with that. My husband doesn't even know I am doing this, which is probably a good thing since most of my venting sessions pertain to him. Don't get me wrong I love and am very appreciative of my husband. He truly is the best father to our kids. He is nothing like the absent dads he and I both had or didn't have. Despite all of his wondrous attributes, I still find time to complain about him, the kids, and my life. Tonight's venting session comes from my husband's use of the word "decompress." Yesterday as I attended a professional development conference, he took a few hours for himself and got our usual babysitter to come and take care of our two youngest. He said he needed to take some time to decompress. I laughed internally after I heard this and then it kept bothering me all day. The word kept haunting my thoughts all day at the conference. Decompress. Decompress. He needed to decompress. From what?! I thought. He doesn't deal with the kids on a daily basis like I do. Just last Monday he was out all day and evening golfing for networking purposes. He drove around in a cart with a bunch of bankers talking business over drinks, tees, and sandwiches. Then he had the nerve to say the following day how much golfing took out of him. I sat there in awe once again. I am exhausted every single day, and I wish I could call an 18 year old girl to simply give some time off so I can decompress. But I don't. It wasn't so much that he called the sitter. It was more the flippant tone he said the word "decompress" as if his alleged hard week warranted it. Maybe I am just a bitter wife who doesn't get how golfing for over 12 hours with other men can make a husband feel burdened or stressed out. Maybe I don't understand how having the ability of adult conversation whenever you want makes you feel tired and overwhelmed. Either way I slice it, I don't think I have "decompressed" in over 5 years. I think I am due. Now where's that babysitter's number?
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amen amen amen. love the hubbies but damn can they spend a day in our shoes (rather in our heads cuz that's the harder place to be).
ReplyDeleteAs I see Pedro and his little girlfriends develop, i am finally understand why men oppress us: They are literally the weakest one of the two. They take longer to talk, walk, communicate and potty train. So the minute they are able to use their brute force, they exert it on us, because they are weaker, and cant take it. As a mom, who has a husband who is loving and kind, and gives it his all; many times it simply isnt. I also see how he interacts with his coworkers and I think "men really are weak". This is not to say that i dont love and admire my hubby, but i know things could be different, that additional effort could be exerted to obtain the outcomes he desires. So yes, sorry my amiga Ms. Lulu, men do need to decompress, because they simply cant handle what we can.
ReplyDeleteI love it Lu!!!! As a matter of fact, your blog has inspired me to "Decompress" at Happy Hour tonight!
ReplyDeleteCall that babysitter's number and decompress! He's not going to give it to you so you need to make and TAKE the time for yourself.
ReplyDeleteSo I have the reverse situation - my husband is a quasi-stay-at-home-dad. And I've got to tell you - its amazing how different it is for him than for quasi-stay-at-home-moms. And I think its mostly because men do understand their limits and do focus on keeping themselves stable, or as lulu's husband said - decompress.
ReplyDeleteSo get this, while my husband is a stay-at-home-dad, he has help. We have a helper who comes in 4hrs a day M-F. She cleans, cooks, does laundry and watch over the kids while my husband goes out and 'decompresses' - e.g. goes to the gym, does some work, etc. On a regular basis, I've looked at our situation and wondered, if the roles were reversed - i.e. if I was the stay-at-home-parent, would I hire help? Over and over again, and quite unfortunately, my answer is no. I've tried to examine this - to understand why I wouldn't afford myself the luxury of some help while my husband assumes it is guarenteed. And I can't help to take it back to that socialization and training we all got growing up - whether through words or the actions of our tireless mothers - you are the girl, you deal with it all, don't ask for help, don't complain, just get it done. It makes me wonder, how often it is we set ourselves up for this?
The way I see it Sol is that when I want some time to decompress I see it as his job to give me a break since he does not have to deal with all of the crap that I have to put up with in the day. Every marriage is different and I know my hubby's work situation. I know when he is having a easy breezy day and when he is having a typical work day. I don't have easy breezy days EVER. I have to balance two sometimes three different personalities plus my own responsibilities as a teacher. I just think it is quite ironic that when my husband has to take care of the kids for a more than 3 hours. I can see the stress on his face and I hear the tension in his voice. I must admit. I laugh because for those few hours he knows what I go through every day for at least 8 hours. Lately I have been taking more of my own time to do shit that I like. I just flat out tell him, "I am going to such and such with so and so on Saturday night." No discussion. Its a statement because I need those few hours with my gal pals to watch a play or a concert or drink some wine and bash our husbands :) I know that for me I am definitely being more assertive about my mental health.
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